Beauty From The Ashes Of Destruction (Rebellions 4 Blood MC Book 2) Page 5

  “I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I’ll be sure to set enough time aside for Stealth. I’m getting home to Maddie tonight. Since Stealth thinks Janie is going to pull something, then tonight I need to come clean to Maddie about my past so nothing can come back and slap her in the face. Dra hid things from Maddie and I don’t want Maddie thinking I am anything like Dra. If that means an hour of uncomfortable conversation then that’s what we will have.” I hate the thought of this conversation, but it needs to be done.

  “I think Stealth is more worried about the conversation he’s going to need to have with Drew if this paternity test comes back and the baby is his. Janie doesn’t seem the type of person to cause trouble but I don’t spend much time with the club girls anymore, so what do I know? I’ve had no complaints of her causing trouble from anyone but with crazy-ass women, you never know. Honesty is the best policy.” Sarge is right.

  “I’ll catch you at home later,” I tell Sarge.

  “I’m going to drive by our businesses in town and I’ll get Stealth to ride with me. I’ll be home after that,” Sarge says and we go our separate ways. This isn’t going to be the night I was hoping for, but I don’t want to lose the woman I just claimed by not having this talk.

  8

  Maddie…

  The nerves I’m having right now as I wait on Jeb to get home has my anxiety running crazy. I’m still on the fence if this is the right move. I don’t want to make this decision because I am desperate to stay out of Colorado. I know I would still be protected by Sarge. I think I have been denying my attraction to Shield for so long and I just can’t anymore. Sure, I hid it well. I’ve been dealing with other issues in my life and then I threw myself into getting my life in order. I know I’ve made sound decisions in my businesses, but my personal life is where I always screw up. I want this thing with Jeb to work and if I didn’t have my children to consider, I would take the chance without doubt. I guess it boils down to trust. I need to put my trust in a man again and that is hard for me. I can’t make Jeb pay for Dra’s mistakes. I will stick to my decision, but I just hope Jeb gives me time to adjust. My divorce has been final for only half a second. I think we need to discuss this tonight before we become an official couple and tell everyone. I’m startled when I hear the heavy boots making their way to my door. It’s time for a talk and Jeb is here just in time before I lose my nerve. I hear the door open and I look around my covers to see Jeb standing there trying to be quiet. “It’s alright, I’m awake. It’s still early. B and Lucas just went to sleep. Did you find your dinner?” Jeb continues into the bedroom and comes to my side of the bed. He kisses the top of my head and then walks to the other side of my king-sized bed and sits to take his boots off while I watch his every move.

  “Thanks for waiting up for me. I didn’t know it was anywhere close to nine. I guess our meeting went longer than I thought. I knew B and Lucas were asleep. I checked in on them before I came to your room. The food was great as always. If I keep eating here, I’m going to need to add some time to my workouts.” Jeb laughs but he’s acting nervous. Jeb doesn’t do nervous. He’s always sure of himself. Jeb turns and looks at me. “We need to have a talk before this goes any further.”

  “I agree and was just thinking the same thing,” I tell Jeb and the look in his eyes melts my heart. He looks like a lost little boy. This is Jeb here with me now and not Shield. I know I need to listen to every word he says. I push my covers aside and I attempt to move closer to Jeb.

  “No, stay where you are. I’m going to shower, and I’ll be back in just a few minutes. I brought a bag with me, so I have everything I need for a couple of days.” I hadn’t even noticed that Jeb brought a bag in.

  “There are plenty of towels in there,” I tell Jeb.

  “I want to have this conversation with us in bed and you in my arms. Can you do that for me?” With that look in Jeb’s eyes, I would walk through the fires of hell to help him.

  “I’ll be waiting with open ears.” Jeb nods, then gets the things out of his bag and goes into the bathroom without another word.

  9

  Shield…

  I have taken my time taking the coldest shower possible. I know I told Maddie I wanted to have this talk in bed while holding her in my arms and that’s where I made my mistake. It’s true it’s better to have this conversation while she is relaxed and comfortable enough to say what she means instead what she thinks I want to hear, but the torture my body will go through had me thinking instead of a hot shower, I might need a cold one. The thought of having her body in my arms while wearing those skimpy sleep shorts on, gets me hard. Not to mention those luscious tits of hers. Maddie has always been a beautiful woman but the surgery she had has her looking like every man’s wet dream. I can’t help it; I’m a tit man. I think I need to step back in that cold shower again. I brush my teeth and clean up after myself, then step out of the bathroom. I was sure to put a pair of pajama pants on that I had forgotten I owned. I don’t want B walking in on me with just boxers on.

  “Jeb, I don’t know what has you so nervous, but don’t be. We are two adults having a simple conversation. Nothing to be nervous about. We can talk anything out,” Maddie tells me in her sweet voice.

  “Remember you said that. I want us to get our pasts talked out. I don’t want any surprises for you or me. I don’t need every detail, but I’m going to give you a short rundown of mine. I won’t sugarcoat it for you. I know it’s none of my business about your past or yours about mine, but I would like to know what I am up against and what might trigger you to not trust me. I want you to be aware of the same for me and it’s better to get this out of the way so neither of us can blame the other for holding back details later. I want this relationship to start out right.” Maddie sighs like she’s relieved I brought the subject up.

  “Thank you. I didn’t know the right way to bring it up.” I walk over to the end of the bed and pick my boots up and place them by the side of the bed. Old habits die hard. I take my gun out of my boot where I had placed it earlier.

  “I need a place to lock my gun up but where it’s easy to get to.” I wait for Maddie’s answer.

  “Each of the nightstands has a key to it. I keep them unlocked at night with my guns in them. During the day they are locked, and the guns have safety locks, so even if B got into one of the nightstands, the gun would be safe. The only time they are loaded is at night.” I look at Maddie and she has thought of safety but that’s not enough for me.

  “Babe, tomorrow I’ll get the boys started on a wall safe. Locks on the guns are good but they need to be out of the reach of the children. What you have been doing is fine for their ages now, but in a year or so they will be curious, and a lock is like flying a red flag in front of them. If they want in one of these nightstands, they will find a way. I learned that from Chief’s children. They are hell on wheels.” Chief is the old president of the BlackPath MC. He’s stepped back from the club a little and let his oldest son, Tazer, take over as president. Chief wants more time with his youngest children, and they need his attention. “I don’t want to see B or Lucas hurt when it can be prevented by just putting another safe in. I think it is a good idea to keep a weapon close at night but the safe downstairs in the office isn’t adequate enough or close enough to handle all the guns in this house.”

  “Do you know how many guns are in this house? I mean, most of Micah’s are at her house now but I’m sure she brought some with her since we’re all staying in the same house together. Aunt Deb has her guns and we have some guns that have been in this house, hidden in various places, since my grandpa was still alive. We have taken safety precautions since I moved in with my children, but I guess you and Sarge both need to know where they’re located. Rye, too, for that matter,” Maddie tells me, and it’s like this is normal everyday life.

  “Maddie, are you not concerned with the number of weapons in this house? I think when you get your house built, which I know they are only a couple of weeks into building
it, you need to have a custom safe built in your office and your bedroom. Then there won’t be any accidents. All it takes is one for tragedy to strike.” Maddie looks at me, considering what I’ve said.

  “You’re right. How could I have been so blind? I was raised this way. We were taught not to touch and then when we were old enough, we were taught it was alright to touch them if we followed rules and respected the weapon. I have never lived in a house where a gun was considered a terrible thing. I need to balance the good with the bad. Once again, I’m failing at this mom thing,” Maddie tells me with regret in her voice.

  “You’re never a bad mom. You don’t have it in you, but you need to realize you’re the boss now, or one of them, and the rules we set for our home will be what we live by. Just think about what’s right for you and the children.” I try to take her doubts away.

  “Don’t forget to include yourself in that little scenario. What is right for us.” Maddie is trying to erase my doubts now. I walk over to the bed and turn back the covers so I can get in. The bed is firm but it’s soft at the same time. I go to the middle of the bed and Maddie meets me there. I get comfortable and settle my covers over my body. I’m picky about how my blankets I feel on my body. Maddie doesn’t hesitate to come into my arms and lay her head on my chest. This feels so right. I kiss the top of Maddie’s head and she kisses my chest and my body comes alive. My skin feels like it’s on fire from one little kiss on my naked skin.

  “I want to go first, and you are welcome to ask as many questions as you want,” I say.

  “I’m good with that,” Maddie says in a soft voice.

  “I want you to know I was no angel in my past. I’m a man and I have needs. When I was younger, I had a reputation as an asshole, but I was always honest with every woman I was with. I have been with numerous women, but I have never lied to a woman about what the score was. I’m telling you this because there is one woman that I had sex with that is still around the club. I didn’t like sharing a woman with all the club brothers, so it was never anything but fucking. I don’t want her to be able to throw anything in your face. When we start having hog roasts and cookouts, then you two will be in the same place at the same time. I haven’t touched a woman in a while and by a while, I mean months before you ever came back to Texas. I haven’t spoken to Janie except in passing at the clubhouse. I’m not a weak man that cheats because in my mind that is what cheaters are, weak. I have made a commitment to you and the children and I would be weak to break it. There’s no reason for me to want a woman all my brothers have had—well except Sarge, he has been true to Micah since they moved in together—when I have a woman that means everything to me. You have no worries but that doesn’t mean that Janie won’t try to cause trouble. Sarge has warned every woman inside the club to not stir the shit pot. All the club girls are not supposed to approach an ol’ lady but I can’t guarantee it won’t happen. I promise I will never cheat on you,” I tell Maddie while I have her snuggled next to me. She surprises me by turning to look me in the eye. She turns and props her chin up on her hand. Her elbow is on the bed now.

  “Jeb, being cheated on is not something I will ever put up with. I believe you when you say you won’t cheat on me. For some reason, I trust you more than I have anyone in a while excluding Aunt Deb and Micah. I always trust them. I also trust Rye if it comes to keeping my children and me safe. I can’t forget the way Dra treated me. I know it’s not fair to blame you for that, but I can’t just flip it off. I will try to get it out of my head, but it’s a work in progress.” I listen to every word she has to say. She needs to get it out. “I think it has more to do with my insecurities about me being capable to keep a man happy, or maybe I’m afraid no one will ever love me that way. They won’t have the kind of love for me that makes them want a forever with me. You know I became Dra’s rug and his house mouse.”

  I want to take Maddie in my arms and reassure her that what we are going to build will be for forever, but I want her to give this all to me. I want to know her fears and insecurities. “Dra came home to dump his shit on me. He always complained I needed to be sexier. It’s why I agreed to the boob job. I wanted him to have one less thing to gripe about. I bleached my hair so I would be his bleached-blonde babe on the back of his bike, but he was never home for me to be on the back of his bike. He wanted me to dress flashier with fewer clothes covering my skin. I needed to look the biker babe part, so I went along with it. He slept the days away and then partied at the clubhouse all night. He would yell at B for making noise while he slept and yell at me to keep Lucas quiet. I couldn’t do anything right.”

  Maddie stops talking and I see the faraway look in her eyes. She’s reliving the hell she went through in her mind. I so want to comfort my woman, but I hope this is the last time Maddie must remember these experiences. I just want to love Maddie every day until those memories fade away. “I would say I hated when Dra went to the clubhouse to party, but it would be a lie. I looked forward to him and his friend leaving the house. Yes, Dra had a friend that started coming home with him. I will never say his name again. I need that poison out of my head.”

  Maddie told me his name before, but I need to get the name from Keys. I will make sure he pays one day for the way he made Maddie feel about herself. “He made me feel uncomfortable in my own home. He started talking to me like a dog the same way Dra did. Telling me I needed to lose my fat ass, or he understood why Dra had to be with a club whore to get off anymore. I almost broke the first time he said it. I had to face the reality that my husband was cheating on me, but since it didn’t come from Dra, I held on to hope and tried to save my marriage. Then Dra and his friend came back home one night, already drunk. It was right after I put the kids down for the night. Dra expected me to share myself with his friend. He wanted a threesome, and that was when I realized my marriage was over. I refused them both and for some reason Dra left me alone the rest of the night. He left after he told me he had been fucking a club whore every night. I had been setting money aside every week, and I knew it was time to put the rest of my plan into play. I knew it was coming and I guess I had been planning my escape for a while. The thing is, after all that crap I had been through, the thing that I gave Dra that I can’t forgive myself for is he took my self-respect and my self-confidence. I just can’t seem to get them back.”

  That broke me. I reach for Maddie, and I see the silent tears she has been crying. I bring her to me and kiss them all away. I don’t want to get carried away because tonight is about giving my woman safety and intimacy without the continuation into sex. Maddie wraps herself around me and I feel her shudder. I know she’s letting the tears of pain out. I don’t want Maddie to think she can’t show me this side of her. I move her up my body and let her head rest on my chest again.

  “It’s hard when someone breaks your trust darlin’.” Her crying is less than it was a few seconds ago. “I know I trust my brother without question. He has my back and I have his, but it hasn’t always been a good thing to have Stealth as my brother. I’m the quieter one, like you. Stealth was always the out-going type. He had the girls standing in line for him. Not saying I didn’t do alright, but I had to be around a girl more than five minutes to have her panties dropping. Stealth went through females so fast and then treated them like yesterday’s garbage. Then they turned their attention to me or at least tried to. I started asking the girl before I asked her out if she had dated Cru. If they had, I wouldn’t bother. I had a chip on my shoulder about it for a while. Not that any of what I’m telling you is close to what you went through. It took me a while to understand that I had to let that resentment go. I was going to lose my brother if I didn’t, and nothing was worth that. He was not only my brother but my twin.” I notice her crying has stopped, and she is listening to every word I’m saying.

  “I understand that feeling since I have my own twin,” Maddie agrees.

  “When I let it go, I felt a hell of a lot better. It was like a ton of bricks were lifted fro
m me and then Cru and I became close like we once were. I am not telling you to like that asshole, but you need to forgive yourself.” I hope I worded everything right.

  “You’re right. I have been thinking along those lines. It’s easier to forgive Dra than to forgive myself. I need to forgive Dra and tell him I do—to let all that hurt and pain go. I can forgive him, but I won’t ever forget.” Maddie seems calmer.

  “You’re a better person than me. I see the hurt Dra inflected on you, but he’s the one responsible,” I tell Maddie.

  “That’s not true, Jeb. It takes two and I let myself be used that way. I was his rug and at the time, I was okay with it. When he wanted me to have my boobs done to make me someone I wasn’t, I should have walked away. I could have refused anytime. I own my part in what happened. Do you think we can move on from this talk? I mean, I understand some club girl may confront me but believe me, I have learned how to deal with club girls. I was friends with some of them at the clubhouse in Sunshine. I didn’t judge them for their choices, and they didn’t judge me for mine. It’s freeing when you don’t have to pretend with a person and they don’t give you those pitying looks. I just never wanted people to feel sorry for me.” I can understand that.

  “I never think of you as weak for staying. I think you were trying to keep your family together. I am glad you’re here with me now and you’re my woman to love for the rest of my life.” That has Maddie looking up at me.

  “You love me?” I almost laugh at the question. Maddie must see it.

  “Maddie, I have loved you since the day you came back with that awful bleached hair and clothes that weren’t you. That’s why I claimed you. I will let you go if that will make you happy but not until you don’t have threats against you. I just hope what we’re starting will convince you to stay with me, and we can have the rest of our lives together. I want you to be able to say that you love me.” I am being as honest with Maddie as I can be. I want it all out there on the table, so she sees I trust her with my heart.